Spin Class: Toyotal Recall
op-ed by Kyle LaPointe
February 1, 2010

Based on a FOX News report at:

Here's my take on the on the gas pedal Toyota deal:

I remember when my floor mat used to do this on my old GMC Jimmy. I would go, “Hmm, my floor mat is causing my accelerator pedal to stick down. I will pull back the floor mat. There. All better.”

What I guess I should have been saying was, “Oh my God. My car is going faster than I am attempting to make it go. Where is my cell phone. I need to call someone. Hello 911. My name is Kyle. Good.. How are you? ...wait I am NOT good.

"My car is going fast. If I were to logically look down at the most obvious source of this problem, then I would be able to correct the situation. Now that I have pumped my brakes many, many times, I feel as though my car isn’t slowing down anymore. It is like my brakes are now buttery, or possibly melted cheese.

"What is that? Nutra? What is ‘putting it in nutra’? I don’t understand your slang vernacular, and I am pretty sure what you are asking me to do is illegal in this state.

"So no ideas… Alright, well, there is a depressed median ahead. I think I am going to see if somersaulting my vehicle end over end will help slow me down...

"Yeah, that did it. Not moving anymore. One problem. I think I am dead. This dude is standing in front of me at some gate on some clouds. I am next, I better get off my cell phone. Oh nevermind, he just looked a little perturbed and pointed down. I think he wants me to sit and finish my phone call before I get back in line.

"Hmm… It just got really dark and firey around here. Everything burns. I am in so much pain. Oh wait! I just met every lawyer ever that isn’t currently alive. I think I should talk to them now….”

Spin Class is a recurring editorial post in which Kyle interprets headline news pieces to compensate for the spin placed on events by the mainstream media. His renditions of reported events provide an alternative way to look at the accounts of our elected leaders' actions. Enjoy!